If Kevin Costner Was My Long-Lost Brother-in-Law

If you don’t think my husband looks like Kevin Costner, you’re not alone. Lots of people spit their drinks when I tell them that for about three years, he had lots of people telling him he looked like Kevin Costner.

Finding that people look like other people - mostly famous people - is a weird psychological phenomenon. Person A will swear that Person X “looks JUST like that guy from that thing!” Person B won’t see it at all. But Person B will think Person Y looks Person Q. People C-K will think that Person L looks like a cross between People M-P, but no one will agree, except for Person A, who, as it turns out, thinks that everyone looks like someone famous.

I’m a little bit like Person A. I can make a quick trip into Walgreens and see  any four famous people. One day I saw Jo Anne Worley, the tap dancer from Lawrence Welk, Kurt Vonnegut without a mustache, and the guy from the Allstate commercials. If I did happen to see someone famous, I probably would dismiss it as a look-alike.

The first time I heard that my husband looked like Kevin Costner, I was at my daughter’s soccer game. I was talking to Jamie’s Mom and I mentioned that my husband was there.

“Oh, where is he?”

“He’s over there in the black shirt.”

“That guy? Oh my god. I’m sure he hears this all the time, but he looks just like Kevin Costner.”

I laughed and laughed and laughed.

Later, when the game started and I wandered over to my husband, I said, “Hey. Jamie’s mom said you look like Kevin Costner.”

“Who? Where? Where is she? Which one is Jamie’s Mom?”

“Over there. In the red shirt.”

“Oh . . .” he’s craning his neck to get a better look. “Tell her she’s hot, too.”

When people would say he looked like Kevin Costner, our neighbor and friend Brian would just get rankled.

“He does not look like Kevin Costner,” Brian insisted. So when Brian’s wife’s friend from New York got out of the car one afternoon while my husband was having a beer with Brian, and said, “Oh my god! You look just like Kevin Costner!” it was Brian’s turn to spit his drink. And not in a good way.

My husband’s face eventually got thinner, he started to wear glasses more often, and the similarities began to wear off. People stopped telling him he looked just like Kevin Costner.

I can see it a little bit now, still. They look like they could be brothers or cousins. But then again, I’m a Person A, so of course I’m going to think he looks like someone famous. And better Kevin Costner than Kurt Vonnegut without a mustache.

Feel free to vote whether or not my husband looks like Kevin Costner. And while you’re at it, toss in your opinion of whether my son Mike looks like Matthew McConaughey. There are some Person A’s out there who think so.

Labels: , , ,