Bed Bath & Beyond Your Wildest Dreams

It’s high time we talked about Bed Bath & Beyond. I was there last week and it is out of control. Did you know that Bed Bath & Beyond sells makeup now? And bags of snack foods? And comfortable pants and tank tops in your choice of colors and sizes?

It appears that since they took the Bed and the Bath a far as they could go, they’re concentrating on the Beyond.

I hadn’t been in a BBBeyond for a few months. I’ve reached the Dormant Phase of moving, where you’ve lived in the house long enough that you can actually live your life instead of driving back and forth to Bed Bath & Beyond three times a day to meet the endless needs of a house.

I dropped in because it was two doors down from the Office Depot I was in, and I thought I would pop in real quick-like and resume my search for the Ultimate Makeup Mirror (which I’ll go into more detail in Thursday’s blog. I promise. I know you’re dying to know how that turned out).

I should have known that the store had morphed into something bigger and more powerful: I saw a forklift parked out front, right next to the front door.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Bed Bath & Beyond takes over the world someday. (It will probably start in your bedroom, then go to your bathroom, and then go from there.)

Bed Bath & Beyond is like the drug dealer to a house. The more stuff you buy for it, the more your house is going to want, and then you’re working full time just to get your house its fix of laundry room organizers and silk flower arrangements.

And we’re not talking about some small-time drug dealer here. It destroyed its competition, Linens N Things, so now it’s got a monopoly. Even the Mafia wasn’t able to permanently lock down a big area like Bed Bath & Beyond has been able to do. Who do they think they are, Walmart?

I’m not kidding about the snack foods. You used to be able to find a small selection of chewing gum or breath mints at the checkout, and then they started putting little bags of peanuts and popcorn in with the margarita movie night kits, and suddenly - POW - the snack food has its own section now.

It must be for when the house gets the munchies.