I Can Resolute With the Best of Them

People are going crazy with the lists these days. I used to be Queen of Lists but I’m getting trounced by average everyday unorganized, non-ambitious people right now. Ever since The Bucket List, people are going all Morgan Freeman and making lists of things they have to do before they die, setting goals, and making five-year plans.

“I’m a housewife. I don’t need a five-year plan,” I told my husband when he said my lack of goals was one of my shortcomings and could contribute to an onset of lethargy. It’s possible he’s just worried that I’ll stop getting up first and making the coffee.

It used to be that all you needed on Dec. 31 was one New Year’s resolution. “Get organized” was always mine. I announced it, drank my champagne, blew my noisemaker, and was good to go.

Now, my Facebook page is crammed full of people making 10 Goals for 2010 and we’re not talking about “lose 15 pounds” or “call my dad once a month.”  These are goals like “qualify and run in the Boston Marathon” and “get a master’s” and “go back to France and renovate that old barn this time.”

Good grief, whatever happened to the need to get the drawers cleaned out?

Instead of setting goals and checking them off, I’ve decided to change my lifestyle by making changes on a weekly basis. I’m taking a tip from all the hip bloggers, who are really into themes these days - like ‘Free Stuff Friday’ or a day where you pass off your blog to someone else to write. I don’t have anyone to dump my blog on, nor do I have any imagination at all, or anything to give away or auction off, but I can work with the theme idea to try to make 2010 better.

Makeupless Mondays. This will be good for my skin, but very bad for my self-esteem and reputation.  Not wearing makeup for one whole day of the week will solve the mystery of who that ugly lady is who drops my daughter off at school every morning. I tell my daughter to tell anyone who asks that it’s her aunt, someone who looks a little bit like me but is skankier. She is free to make up stories about this aunt’s sordid past as a street walker and meth addict. If I start to forgo makeup on Mondays, everyone will know it’s really me and I’m butt ugly without blush and lipstick. And I’m thinking of not blow-drying my hair, either. Don’t expect to see any photos of me on any given Monday.

Just-Read-the-Freaking-Book Tuesdays. I joined a book club this year, custom-made just for me and the kind of books that I want to read. The demands are not overwhelming. Sometimes I get even more than a month to read an average-sized novel. But I’ve been the biggest loser of my book club in that I’ve read probably less than anyone else in the club. I’m running out of ways to fake my way through the discussion without saying, “What?” when they talk about the ending. If I’m going to not get myself black balled, I’m going to have to set aside a day when I read at least a couple chapters without falling asleep.

Widescreen Wednesdays. Ever since my youngest child went to first grade and I had more than 45 minutes to myself, I’ve been fantasizing about seeing movies in the theater in the middle of the day. Eleven years later, and I still haven’t gotten around to it. “You should go to the movies during the day,” people have actually said to me. Yes, you’re right. I should. It would be a dream life like no other. But I just don’t do it. Clearly, I need a designated day or it’s not going to happen.

So-You-Think-You-Can-Bike Thursdays. I am the worst bike rider ever. I’m eating the dust of the 5-year-old on training wheels. Remember when Peter Brady got a job at the bike shop, and at the end of the show Mike and Carol bought bikes and Carol was all wobbly? I thought she was a dweeb. Yeah, well as it turns out, it’s hard to learn how to balance at an advanced age. My husband looks for excuses to not ride with me. Also, I wear a helmet. However, if I’m ever going to get better, I need to ride on a regular basis. If you need anything unbreakable dropped off or picked up within the sidewalked area of my neighborhood on a Thursday, let me know. I have a basket.

Flip-Off-Social-Networking Fridays. Breathe . . . . breathe . . . you can do this. In fact, I’m thinking of having an unplugged Friday, with no TV, no computer use, and no iPhone use other than the occasional primitive phone call. Like an animal.

Swearless Saturdays. I don’t swear a lot, but I could use some improvement on this front. Ever since my blog got an NC-17 rating for using words like “hell,” “damn” and “skanky” (x2) I’ve been a little sensitive to how much I swear. My husband says I can be a potty mouth at times. If he were my editor, he would replace all the hells with hecks, all the asses with butts, and all the skankys with unattractives.

Big Breakfast Sundays. Much like going to the movies in the middle of the day by myself, making big breakfasts every Sunday is something I’m more than capable of doing without much effort. But since it’s never been on a list, I haven’t done it. My sister-in-law Sheree, for many years, has made a big breakfast every Sunday with several meats, eggs and pancakes, and home fries that she starts preparing the night before. Honestly, their Sunday mornings were like brunch at The Breakers and for absolutely no special occasion, other than they had stayed up to watch SNL again. My Sundays should be like that. I’m doing it, darn it.

I’m doing all of it. If I’m lucky, I’ll make it into the first week of February, which is better than my Get Organized resolutions from 1970-2000.

The photo up top is apropos to nothing, other than it's funny and I love those two guys. Finding things to laugh at should be on everyone's list of goals for 2010. You're welcome.

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