Print vs Digital Cage Match. Film at 11.

I’ve been preparing myself for the upcoming death of print journalism by trying to bond with a TV news anchor (not easy now that Peter Jennings is dead), asking my son questions about his Kindle, and reading news online.

It’s a struggle for a tactile freak such as myself. I’m a toucher. I like to feel the paper that something is written on before I can be convinced that it happened. (I also have to touch clothing before I’ll buy it, which makes catalog and online shopping impossible for me. My shopping eccentricities are a whole ‘nother affair. I smell things, too.)

I still read my Palm Beach Post every morning but then I go to, the online Youngstown paper I used to work for, and from there I go to individual news stories that I see links for on Facebook and Twitter from NPR, CNN and Jimmy Fallon.  It’s tough, I’ll admit, but I’m trying. I’d like to think that when I die, people will say, “Well, at least she tried to keep up with newfangled things.” I don’t want my headstone to read: Still cut recipes out of the paper with scissors.

Without online news, I would not have seen this story out of Ohio:

SPRINGFIELD, Ohio (AP) — A woman accused of exposing herself outside a jail in western Ohio has pleaded not guilty.

Kristina Booghier, 21, of Springfield entered the plea today in Springfield Municipal Court.

Clark County deputies say the woman appeared to be trying to communicate with an inmate Tuesday when she lifted her skirt, bent over and exposed her private parts. Deputies say the woman then waved and made hand signals toward the jail and exposed herself a second time.

Sheriff Gene Kelly says signs are posted warning people not to communicate with the inmates. Kelly has fielded complaints about people screaming and women exposing their breasts.

I don’t know whether to begin with the fact that this girl’s last name is Booger (you can throw in all the H’s and I’s you want; that doesn’t change the fact that her name is Booger) or go on to the next paragraph, in which she exposes her private parts to guys in jail.

How many National Honor Society inductions do you have to attend, to regain your trust in America’s youth after reading this?

I think my favorite part of this little story, and the part that I keep rereading it cracks me up so much, is the last sentence:  “Kelly has fielded complaints about people screaming and women exposing their breasts.” And there are signs posted, which makes me think that Miss Booger is not the first young lady who has decided to stage her own Girl Gone Wild outside the prison.

But back to the discussion about print vs online news: There are lots of things that will not make the cut when we switch over to electronic news. Comics aren’t coming, and I doubt if Dear Abby can make the jump. You still can’t send her a letter by email; she makes you write it on a piece of paper and mail it to her, that archaic, opinionated fussbudget.

But the thing I’ll miss the most about print newspapers are the funny mistakes. The Internet has far more mistakes, but when they’re discovered, they can be corrected. So unless you make a print-out of Missippi’s Literacy Program Shows Improvement, you’re never gonna see it again.

Jay Leno used to compile books worth of funny newspaper headlines. Here are just a quick few for your mid-week enjoyment.  And weirdly, I found them - online . . . (Did you just hear the Twilight Zone music?)



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