Friend Me, Friend All My Personalities

My generation is having a barrel of fun with Facebook status updates. I know it’s driving younger people crazy because, like sports cars and booze, we’ve taken a good thing for youth and ruined it with our refusal to turn it over to the next generation. We insist that 50 is the new 17 and are LMFAOing all over the Internet.

Let me take this opportunity to apologize for anything corny, square or mommish I may have typed into my status update. Especially now that my son’s girlfriend asked me to be her friend. She seems really, really nice, so I promise I’ll try to be more classy and hip.

I have the privilege and the pleasure of having more than my fair share of young people as my Facebook friends. Some of my kids’ friends, some college kids who I worked with on the Obama campaign in Lexington, and some people with pierced faces and brooding eyes peering out from behind bangs who are related to relatives. But I haven’t defriended anyone based on how many F bombs they drop, or what someone said about Patrick Swayze (you know who you are, you blasphemer. I hid you for about 10 minutes after that smartalecky comment. Did you notice? I thought so.), so I would hope none of them will defriend me when I say I am “going for my colonoscopy - ugh!”

My Facebook page is like a wedding reception where you’ve invited all of your dad’s friends who are Crips and all of your mom’s friends who knit prayer shawls; all your friends, who are Gays for Patsy and all of your husband’s friends, who are Knights Templar.

I love my Facebook wedding reception, because I love seeing all these people in the same room. Plus I’m the bride. How bad can it be?

I’m fascinated by the different personalities that show up every day. Some days it’s like a menopause support group, with mood swings that can make your head spin. Some of them have adopted Twitterspeak full time now and use symbols and shit that I can’t understand, and some of them actually speak in real foreign languages like Turkish and Russian and British.

Here are some real status updates from my Facebook page over the course of just a few days. Read them and then tell me how you could not want to come to my wedding.

Just got back from vacation! The beach was a blast! Check out my pictures!

Hoping to go later after the dentist and visiting a dying friend.

i let go of the world that was holding a passenger that could not fly in search of souls souls in search of something let it go let it slide

________ is going home to check on the dog. Everybody cross your fingers for "no vomit".

Hi everyone, just wanted you to know. My best friend's brother killed himself a few days ago.

2PM.... time to break for breakfast!

Wow, I am spending 4 nights in a locked up TB sanitorium here in Florida. I feel like an inmate.

Kanye ≡ controversy || Swift ⇔ Beyonce = ∞ || GaGa ≫ weird || Jay-Z - ♯1 ||MJ≜∀ (universal)

It's Saturday. Osteoporosis medicine. Sigh.

Pringles are such a rip-off they could at least pack like 20 more in the can.


Does anyone else think they're getting crows feet?

Do these pants make my ass look fat?

:( Istanbulu çok özlüyor

Merged my Life Tiny Tips with Life Sparklers. Best way to do.

shoot it up! Nail it down!! Like a hammer.. In the ground! HOBO GANGBANG!!!!

______ doesn't want to face her fears. She's afraid of them.

JCS 26- Jen Bch 22. 10:28 n 3rd

right, so @liv_boeree = astrophysicists, poker extraordinaire, rock chick and I'm in heart

Why are all the freshmen so tiny? It's unnatural, I tell you!

_________ still regrets that she did not return Christy's Beatles CD 10 years ago.

__________is diligently working to create a conscious vision for her life, which allows her to serve the good of the whole.

RT @AltEnergyNews: 79 coal-mining projects suspended for environmental reasons - - Pittsburgh Entertainment YES!!!!

Good night all sweet dreams!


I’m having them seated together, so they can wow one another with their extremes.

Some of my FB friends are all about politics, posting CNN clips and Wall Street Journal headlines as a way to relieve the pressure of 24-hour news and analysis that is like a boil that you have to lance every few hours. My friend Lisa dated a guy who, long before Facebook, was like that in his real life. We went to a real wedding reception with him once and he refused to laugh and smile and kept talking about international issues to the point where I threw my mints down on the table and shouted, “Will you please effing shut up about the bombings in Beiruit! We’re at a wedding!”

Some of my FB friends are just the opposite. They are full of sunshine and hope and happy thoughts and exclamation points that I can honestly say that my day does get brighter just seeing their little faces, because I know they’re going to have something optimistic to say.

I’m not planning on having any more real wedding receptions (at least ones where I’m the bride) so I’m wallowing in my Facebook party.

Just like a real Youngstown wedding, there is music, an open bar, presents, cake, a couple of quirky aunts throw in for good measure, and Mafia Wars.

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If you're on Facebook, join my party at and then follow 'Just Humor Me' on Networked Blogs.

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