When Bad Hair Day and School Picture Day Collide

What is it about school pictures? The one day of the year that your third-grade hair should just lay down and shut up already, and yet that hardly ever happens.

I don’t watch much daytime TV (speaking of shutting up, do it), but occasionally I flip on Ellen and sometimes it’s just when she’s showing bad school pictures, which is a pretty hilarious segment. We’re allowed to make fun of little kids just this one time, because the photos were all sent into The Ellen Show by the little kids themselves. They’re grown up now and can see the humor in their ridiculous school pictures, now that they’re off the wall going up the main staircase for all of your boyfriends to see.

Here are a few for you to look at, especially those of you who have lives and really don’t watch daytime TV. Notice how the entire face is fine, cute, actually. It’s most often the hair that takes you from the 8x10 frame to the funniest thing on Ellen.

I had the funniest dream! I got up and put on my red sweater and went right into school and got my picture taken. Hey, wait a minute. That was a dream, wasn’t it?

Are you a real photographer? Where did you go to school? Is there even film in there?

Get the wide angle lens out of the van! We’ve got a puffy one here!

Here, let me just touch your neck, little girl, real quick before the - hey! Stop that! What the hell! Don’t snap the picture until you hear me say, “Say Silly Putty!”

Say, WHAT?

Question: How does a fourth grade Boy Scout show his inner gangsta in the school yearbook without his mom getting suspicious? Answer: By stealing his sister’s royal blue headband, of course!

What can I say? It was the ‘80s. The above blue headband would have come in handy.

This one has nothing to do with bad hair, but, come on. What kind of photographer from hell would snap this and make prints of it? A childless one, I’ll bet.

Did you just fart? Or is that the smell of my mom’s clueless idea that pin curls the night before picture day will work?
Have any funny school pictures from your past? Send them to me (email me at diane.fitzpatrick@mac.com and attach, I say, attach!) and I promise I’ll show you my ninth grade picture, in which I look like a cross-eyed mouse.

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