Twitter Tweaks

I’m trying to keep up, really I am. My husband encourages me to stay abreast of new technologies (he seems sincere, but it’s possible that he just wants to say ‘breast’ in a serious conversation). So in an effort to be hip and not-dinosaur-like, I’ve done the following:

My Twitter followers/followees are no help. They are a motley crew of: old friends who use #’s and @’s excessively to the point where they may as well be speaking Farsi; my son; writer friends who write about parenting and breast feeding; someone who cooks and posts links to recipes; and the comedian Jim Gaffigan. If we were a baseball team, there would be a heartwarming after-school special about us and you’d root for us to win because we’re mismatched weirdos. Some people who follow me are strangers, which is puzzling. How did they find me and why do they want to follow me and my boring life? Maybe because I don’t tweet that often and I’m not apt to clog up their twitter screens.

Am I supposed to tweet several times a day? Really? Because I am so not tempted to type in, “I am driving to the dry cleaner” because I might get distwacted and get into a bad twaccident.

The most excitement going on in my Twitter world is when Jim Gaffigan writes about something other than bacon or the breast feeding lady gets a huffy look when she whips out a boob in iHop. Or at least that’s what I think happened. I can’t understand what anyone is saying on there.

People who are into Twitter remind me of the Smurfs meet Elmer Fudd and I never was a big fan of either of them.

Anything beyond the above tech advances, I’m not ready yet. I used to watch a technology report in the mornings on local TV news while I packed lunches and I had to stop because I got so overwhelmed with the thought that I could buy my kids tennis shoes that would show me where they were at all times, and the Germans were making a vacuum cleaner that actually picks up dog hair, that making turkey sandwiches seemed barbaric. People are out there doing stuff from Star Trek and I’m spreading mayonnaise on whole wheat bread with a stainless steel knife, like an animal.

So I’m taking it slow and adding one geeky invention at a time. This month: Skype. Next month: the Slap Chop.

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