I’m trying to keep up, really I am. My husband encourages me to stay abreast of new technologies (he seems sincere, but it’s possible that he just wants to say ‘breast’ in a serious conversation). So in an effort to be hip and not-dinosaur-like, I’ve done the following:
- I dove into Facebook and have reconciled all my personalities, since I’ve put into one room people who knew me from the time I was 3-years-old to current day. There’s no hiding anything from anyone now. If I told any lies or exaggerated my abilities or puffed up my past at any time, it will come back to bite me now. Photos and other evidence abound. Also, I’ve learned how to do some cool stuff, like use “live feed” in a sentence without sounding like I’m in 4-H.
- I briefly experimented with MySpace, or what I like to call the eewwy, icky place where I have no business. I only have four friends and Tom is one of them. I need to shut that party down. Today.
- I regularly update my iLife iStuff, which enables me to build Web sites and do super cool iThings with photos and video. I could probably produce a half decent mockumentary if I could get off Facebook long enough.
- I looked into Skype, which my friends tell me is a great way to keep in touch with your kids when they leave you for a college that’s too far away in an effort to make the point that they don’t need your meddling, nagging, cooking, help with homework, or the question “are you sure a parent will be there?” If there is live video involved, I’m in. I want to see what my son’s dorm room looks like when his mother isn’t there to gather up the empty Gatorade bottles that litter his floor. And those better be Gatorade bottles, mister.
- And in a free-spirited, Friday, too-much-coffee mood, I tried Twitter and am still trying, although the caffeine has worn off and on the other six days of the week it just seems pointless. I don’t understand what I’m supposed to tweet.
My Twitter followers/followees are no help. They are a motley crew of: old friends who use #’s and @’s excessively to the point where they may as well be speaking Farsi; my son; writer friends who write about parenting and breast feeding; someone who cooks and posts links to recipes; and the comedian Jim Gaffigan. If we were a baseball team, there would be a heartwarming after-school special about us and you’d root for us to win because we’re mismatched weirdos. Some people who follow me are strangers, which is puzzling. How did they find me and why do they want to follow me and my boring life? Maybe because I don’t tweet that often and I’m not apt to clog up their twitter screens.
Am I supposed to tweet several times a day? Really? Because I am so not tempted to type in, “I am driving to the dry cleaner” because I might get distwacted and get into a bad twaccident.
The most excitement going on in my Twitter world is when Jim Gaffigan writes about something other than bacon or the breast feeding lady gets a huffy look when she whips out a boob in iHop. Or at least that’s what I think happened. I can’t understand what anyone is saying on there.
People who are into Twitter remind me of the Smurfs meet Elmer Fudd and I never was a big fan of either of them.
Anything beyond the above tech advances, I’m not ready yet. I used to watch a technology report in the mornings on local TV news while I packed lunches and I had to stop because I got so overwhelmed with the thought that I could buy my kids tennis shoes that would show me where they were at all times, and the Germans were making a vacuum cleaner that actually picks up dog hair, that making turkey sandwiches seemed barbaric. People are out there doing stuff from Star Trek and I’m spreading mayonnaise on whole wheat bread with a stainless steel knife, like an animal.
So I’m taking it slow and adding one geeky invention at a time. This month: Skype. Next month: the Slap Chop.Labels: Facebook, iLife, MySpace, skype, technology, Twitter
