Clean Freak Fever

Easter is over and if I’m ever going to get any spring cleaning done, it probably should be now. In the past, I’ve been able to avoid spring cleaning by moving to another state. This year, I can’t move again since it’s been less than nine months since I moved here and the movers still remember us and our tantrums. A relocation at this point would have to be with Three Guys and a Truck and even they may have heard through the grapevine about the lady who was throwing decorative pillows and dresser drawers at the moving van as it drove away.

So it looks like I’m going to have to buckle down and wipe some things off.

This is not going to be one of those blogs where I talk about what a terrible housekeeper I am, how my kids don’t know what an ironing board looks like, how my grandmother was a twit for owning a scrub brush, and how life’s too short for me to waste my intelligence and valuable time on housework.

I’m actually not too smart to clean house and I really don’t have anything better to do. It’s sad, I know, but it’s true.

I still clean my own house, although I’m getting dangerously close to getting a cleaning lady. My kids and husband have almost gotten over the shock that a stranger might be touching their bed sheets, opening their dresser drawers and stealing our valuables. I’ve gotten use to the idea that I can sit here at the computer while someone else does domestic chores. It’s not going to be comfortable, but it could happen in the near future.

But for now, I spend a number of hours every single week dusting, sweeping, changing sheets, scrubbing toilets, sinks and tubs, vacuuming and Swiffering. What people with tile floors and hairy dogs did before the Swiffer was invented, I don’t know, but there are days that my Swiffer is my closest friend.

I’m not a perfect person, but I am just about perfect in the cleanliness of my house. I’m not a clean freak who implodes when someone uses Windex instead of Glass Plus and there are streaks. I’m fine with other people folding my towels however their mother taught them to fold towels and I do not Swiffer every day.

But once a week I clean my whole house, on Cleaning Day, just like your 1950s Italian grandmother did, and for a brief moment in time, the entire house is clean. The icing on my cake is when I spray something I bought from Pottery Barn in the powder room and for a few minutes, I’m old money and cool as a cucumber. Then the dog comes in, the kids’ backpacks arrive home, the mail comes and food must be consumed. On plates. That get tossed in the sink. And jelly gets on the counter.

Spring cleaning I’m not so good at, since, like I said, I usually move to a new house to avoid it. I’m not sure I remember how to do it. Should I move furniture and sweep behind it? Should I deep clean the wood furniture? Do they even make Murphy’s Oil Soap anymore? Can I use my Swiffer to dust off the ceiling fan blades?

And will I have to do this again next spring?