Christmas is So Yesterday

I’m always a little bit sad when Christmas is over. One minute all those tacky red and green sparkly decorations look so heartwarming, and the sounds of any Joe off the street singing “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” makes you tear up and put rare gold coins in the Salvation Army bell ringer’s pot, and then you wake up one morning and it all is so kitsch you wonder what possessed you to keep celebrating this holiday year after tacky year. It’s like a bad morning after a wild night out at the bars.

Christmas was just two days ago but already it seems like eons ago. I still have new toys to play with, but I really need to get some laundry done so we have clothes to wear and I should stop eating that damn chocolate candy. (Please, god, . . . ) It’s not January 1st yet, though, so how can I do anything that’s good for me right now?

Yesterday was Boxing Day, the day I should have inviting the closest British people over for Bubble and Squeak, but my husband is on vacation, so instead I took turns with my daughter and my mother-in-law going into Home Depot with him. Five o’clock in the evening and he was already on his third project. The three of us each took our turn driving into the ‘po with him to listen sympathetically as he chose mirror hangers, drill bits and shelf thingydoodles. We’re not sure why he can’t go by himself. I think there’s a bully there and he is looking for some protection. First he took me because I weigh the most out of all the women in his life. Then he took my daughter for the youth factor. Then he took his mom because everyone knows that when moms are around, even mean bullies in orange aprons and back braces shape up.

I told him to pace himself. If he does all the projects on the first day after Christmas, what’s he going to do for all of next week? Besides eat some of the chocolate that should be all mine.

Today I’m going on my daughter’s shopping spree. Two malls, minimum eight stores, roughly 2.5 cups of Starbucks, bajillions of dollars in gift card money spent in less than a day.

And then I have to start looking ahead to the next holiday. My friends Jill and Janet are coming with their families for New Year’s eve and day and I have to get out all my sparkly, silver, black and gold decorations, so that by Jan. 2 I hate that holiday too.

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