Say 'Khaki Capris' Five Times Fast

I have something to shop for, which in the clothes arena is about a four-times-a-year event for me. I try to shop as little as possible, I never window shop, shop for fun, shop as a social activity with friends, or shop for clothes just because I feel like it.

The only time I ever buy clothes for myself is when I have somewhere to go and don’t already have something in my closet that is an option. Now you know why you’ve seen me in clothes that were left over from the 1980s with the shoulder pads ripped out.

In less than two weeks, I have a weekend in St. Petersburg, Fla., where I’m getting together with my childhood girlfriends. The seven of us grew up in the same neighborhood in Hubbard and have not been all together in the same place since Barbie Fest 1968 on my front porch.

I’m so excited. But this means that I have four outfits to orchestrate. And that means I’ve had to do more than a comfortable amount of clothes shopping.

Not all the outfits are hard.

One is just something to wear on Saturday night. Can be anything. I’m not trying to impress any of these girls, they’ve known me since I picked my nose and wet the bed, so some elastic-waist pants and a Cleveland Indians t-shirt would be OK.

Two is something to wear Sunday, which I think is going to be my Stewart Street Gang t-shirt and some capri pants. The t-shirt is one that gang member Janet designed and had made for us. It shows the seven of us being our stereotypical selves. Janet was very kind. First off, she made us all extremely thin and cute. We look like we’re 20 and have never had a stressful day in our lives. Plus we have those anime big eyes, which is a huge improvement over the shrinking squintables that I have.

Three is the oufit that I’m wearing in the drawing. Janet had the idea that we should dress up like our drawings and pose for a picture - props and all - and send it to the newspaper with a little story about our reunion. Janet was kind enough to put me in khaki capris, a red top and red shoes. All last year everywhere I looked there were khaki capris. Casual, dressy, tight, loose, silky, in stone, putty, beige, almond and tan. Right up until I had a half day free to go shopping for khaki capris. And then - what the heck? Where are they? They were replaced during the night with plaid long shorts, black cropped pants and floods in fall colors. What the hell was I thinking waiting until the end of September to look for khaki capri pants? I had to resort to going to Steinmart, where they were having some kind of drawing and there were cookies and coffee and I ended up eating so much while trying on pants that I went up a size and had to start all over. Even the saleswoman told me to “focus.”

The red top will be a little easier, it seems. As long as it’s red and has sleeves, I think I’ll be OK. And the red shoes, well, I’ll think about that tomorrow.

Outfit Number Four is a black dress. Gang member Jill had the idea that we should all put on a black cocktail dress at some point in the evening and pose for a picture like that. I don’t watch Sex and the City so I’m not sure whether this is a take-off on that or Jill just has a nice black dress that she’d like to get some wear out of. I’m a little worried about this one, frankly, because the last time I was shopping, the racks were full of black cocktail dresses. Which means that when I go to buy one, there won’t be any.

Gang member Connie is lucky. She’s wearing a black cocktail dress in the drawing, so she has one less thing to worry about. Although she owns a boutique, so shopping for clothes isn’t a problem for her.

Poor gang member Diane K. - she’s wearing a lavender suit with matching shoes. I knew the time she wouldn’t let Janet be Malibu Barbie, there would be hell to pay in the future.