The My Space Page That Decides a Presidency

Well, it was bound to happen sometime this decade. A My Space page is about to decide the fate of the country.

The Republicans are keeping a stiff upper lip (many of them, like Cheney, can’t help it. What’s left of their upper lips is like cold wax) and trying to remain calm, but this kid in Alaska’s My Space page is hitting the proverbial fan. If 47 million Republicans all drop their heads in their hands at the same time, does the earth continue to spin? At the very least, the tides have got to be affected.

I’ve been riveted to the news about Sarah Palin, her daughter, her daughter’s baby, her daughter’s baby’s father, and her daughter’s baby’s father’s My Space. This poor kid may clean up well in a crew neck sweater when shaking John McCain’s hand on the tarmac, but have you seen him on his My Space? I didn’t even know Alaska had rednecks! There are more guns, beer bottles, middle fingers and F bombs on this one kid’s My Space than all the teen-agers in the deep South put together.

I feel sorry for him, because he and his simple teen-age lifestyle in the Alaskan sticks is about to become all kinds of miserable. I feel sorry for his girlfriend, too, and of course the baby. But I don’t have a lot of sympathy for Sarah Palin. I’ve heard the clip of her giggling like a school girl on the radio when a shock jock criticized her political opponent for being fat and having cancer. And I heard her say that the governor’s office “would be honored” to have that DJ come as a guest. (And did you know Alaska has shock jocks? Yes! They apparently do!) When they say this woman is tough, I think they mean vicious.

She can claim to be from the heartland, middle-of-nowhere America with down-home family values; She can join her fellow Republicans in teasing Barack Obama for being too sophisticated (This attack I particularly have to smile about. Someone apparently forgot to tell Rudy Guiliani he himself is not from Kansas. “Psst! Rudy. Dude. You’re from New York City. Remember? 911!”), but as long as Alaska has the Internet and Sarah Palin has teen-agers, she’s an October surprise of epic proportions waiting to happen. In that respect, she’s right in saying that she’s just a hockey mom like the rest of us, but Sarah Palin can’t have it both ways. She’s either a regular mom or she’s fit to be vice president. Pick a lane, as my husband says.

Who’s Elaine? And if she doesn’t have teen-age kids, can we maybe have her as our VP?

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