For Better or Worse May Refer to My Gift

I’ve said this before: I’m a terrible shopper. I mentioned in a previous blog that I suspect I’m not actually a real girl, I’m such a lame shopper. I also only have a few pairs of shoes in my closet and I dip bread in gravy. But the shopping thing really seals the deal.

This week, in a pathetic attempt to buy a wedding gift for my cousin Jimmy and his wife, Suzanne, I had to go shopping and I had to hit at least a few stores that weren’t Home Depot and Payless Shoes. It’s been a long time since I shopped in department stores without Cary next to me repeating the thing she needs over and over to keep me focused.

I went to Macy’s and all they had were things that looked cheap or cost too much money. You-get-what-you-pay-for is not my strong suit in shopping.

I went to Nordstroms, where there weren’t prices on anything. It was incredible. The prices did not appear even though I tsked loudly, huffed, set things back on shelves sternly and with an attitude, and walked briskly out of the store. They must run by the philosophy that if you have to ask you can’t afford it. So I didn’t ask. And I didn’t buy.

I went to a little specialty store that looked like it had high potential to have in stock things that would impress someone, things that might cause a new bride to conclude that, hey, these people are classy! Nice family, these people! I didn’t get past the wedding card rack, where the card I liked was $19.95.

I don’t think I’m so much a bad shopper as I am a stingy cheap miser. I don’t think Jim or Suzanne will read this, so I’ll tell you I was prepared to spend as much as $a lot of money.00 but I still couldn’t find anything worthy.

My friend Gail says that if you want to be a really good shopper, you have to shop for fun, just drive to the mall and walk around window shopping. That way, when your cousin gets married and you need a gift, you already have a general idea of what’s out there and you have a couple of possibilities in your head before you even embark on the shopping trip.

This isn’t going to work for me. I can’t imagine shopping for fun when there are other things to do, like watch Law & Order reruns, scrub toilets, or organize the books on the bookshelves.