Getting the Slip

Have you noticed that no one wears slips anymore? Or am I the only one with static cling and visible underwear? I don’t think so. I haven’t seen a slip for sale in a department store in years, although I try to avoid the underwear department like the plague.

I’ve been going through my own underwear drawer (yes, I know, sick, sick, sick), trying to get rid of stuff I don’t wear anymore. There’s nothing like an out-of-state move to get you to weed out the pit-stained, mustard-stained, too-small, too-tight, from-the-‘90s, from-college, shoulder-padded clothes that are hogging up valuable space in your drawers and closets. You may be fond of it, it may remind you of better, skinnier times, and you may have justified keeping it as something to paint in (honestly, though, how many paint shirts do you need at one time? So you put one on, you paint the room, you take it off and if you’re going to continue painting the next day, do you really need another clean paint shirt? I think the answer to my question is “1”.)  But face it, you shouldn’t put it in an expensive garment box, pay to have it moved across the country and put into your cool, new house. It will just feel out of place, develop poor self esteem and look even worse.

My underwear drawer still has two slips in it and I can’t figure out why. I haven’t worn a slip in forever. Girls used to have drawers full of slips. You had to have a short slip for with mini skirts, long slips for maxi dresses (you know, the ones you wore with your peasant blouse), and medium slips for everything else. You had your half slips and full slips; white slips for light colored clothes and black slips for dark colored clothes and dates.  Mine always had a flimsy broken strap that I had to hold together with a safety pin. I got a few for gifts at my Personal Shower, given for me by my best friend Diane K. In addition to three slips, I got a pair of pajamas, a scarf, and a framed cross-stitch wall hanging of a quote of something embarrassing I said once. (My girlfriends rock.)

It’s no wonder we stopped wearing slips. Like adenoids and tonsils, we had evolved to the point of not needing them anymore. They didn’t do their job well and all they did was cause problems, stick out from under skirts and add another layer around the midsection, something we didn’t need then and we certainly don’t need now.

According to my scientific Internet research (which consists of spending 30 minutes searching for “slips” on UTube, Flickr and Google), the only people wearing slips now are drag queens, guys with gender issues, and people with slip fetishes. So now, it appears that all the slips are being bought by men.

So what am I supposed to do with two slips, held together with safety pins, two sizes too small and 20 years old? Maybe I could paint in them . . .