Geese With Accessories and Other Must-Haves

If the goose is in a two-piece, it must be summer.
Well, here’s a flashback. I got a catalog in the mail a couple days ago and instead of tossing it into the Rosie Recycling Bin on my way from the mailbox to the house, I took it into the kitchen and leafed through it.

The catalog was “Terry’s Village” and as far as I can tell it’s a little town populated by snowmen with wry grins, bear and deer holding lanterns and wearing caps and scarves, and angels in gingham and looking too happy and young to be dead.

So I leafed through the catalog on the premise that if I saw something I couldn’t live without I’d pause on that page and at least look at the price. Leafed past the “All Hearts Come Home for Christmas” wall hanging, the “Two Peas in a Pod” Christmas ornament, and the “Let it Snow!” paper towel holder, then I came across a page titled “A Goose for All Seasons:  You’re never too old to play dress-up with this resin goose!”

See, I did not know that! I thought I was, indeed, too old to put clothes on a resin goose! I didn’t know we were doing that anymore!  It’s been years since I’ve seen one of these on someone’s porch. Starting in - what - 1992? - they were all over the suburbs. Dressed mostly in yellow slickers and matching hats, they arrived on the scene just after the life-sized silhouettes of a guy leaning on the side of a garage, smoking a pipe and dozing underneath his hat, and just before the flag-by-the-front-door.

It wasn’t long before some housewife, ousted as PTA hospitality chair and with time on her hands and creative juices building up to Code Red levels, decided the rain gear wasn’t enough. “It’s Halloween . . . let’s dress her like a witch!” someone squealed.  Soon, the suburban geese were wearing Uncle Sam outfits for Fourth of July, pink bunny ears for Easter, and - coming full circle - turkey costumes for Thanksgiving. Ironically, dressing a goose like a turkey involves more accessories than you would think.

Terry’s Village Holiday 2007 catalog has brought all that back for your drive-by viewing pleasure. You can dress your goose like a flower, a Catholic schoolgirl (I kid you not!), Cupid, a cowboy, a strawberry or a ladybug.  There are also costumes for a ballerina (complete with tiara), Hawaiian girl (with a coconut bra that stays on . . . how?), and a leprechaun.

I’m a little bit excited about this. For $9.95 plus shipping and handling I can get a set of four outfits. Of course, I’ll have to buy a resin goose for $24.95. If I act now, I can get the goose and 16 outfits for $49.95! Hot damn! My neighbors are going to psyched! They’ve been trying to steal away my plywood stand-up of a fat farm woman’s backside bending over.